Man: OK! You’re ready to sell your car. Right? Woman: Right. Man: Nothing’s wrong with it. You’re just ready for a change. You want the highest cash price. Woman: Absolutely. Man: But you’ve worked hard all day. Taken about forty phone calls. Worked with some pretty tough customers. Woman: Ah. You’ve said it. Man: The […] Read more

SFX: Telephone ring, entire conversation takes place over the phone. Mother: Hello? Son: Hey, Mom. Mother: Oh, hi sweetie. Son: I’m at the police station – Mother: What?! What happened? Son: Nothing really. Mother: You’re at the police station. Son: Okay, well, it all started at the tattoo parlor… Mother: Tattoo parlor? Son: It’s no […] Read more

Narrator: The office of the Police Commissioner of Midland City. Commissioner: Yes, come in. Benton Harbor: Ah, Commissioner? Commissioner: What? Oh, yes I am. Benton Harbor: My name is Benton Harbor. Narrator: He carries in his right hand, a large suitcase. Commissioner: Put down your large suitcase Mr. Harbor, and tell me what I can […] Read more

Jersey Girl: I saw her up on 5th and 55th street…She’s such a princess Cabbie: I was about to pick her up but then this fancy horse-drawn carriage came along from outta nowhere. I was like: Hey! Is that thing street legal??? Jazz Musician: I like to call her Cindy Rell. Sweetest thing ya ever […] Read more

Daughter: Mom, could we talk about getting me a credit card? Mom: No way. Too many college students get themselves in debt that way. Daughter: Yeah, but I’m talking about the Citi Dividend Platinum Select Card just for students. It’ll give me up to 5% cash back on purchases, so its like I’m actually earning […] Read more

Eye Guy: Eye-Guy here. Woman: A talking eyeball!? Eye Guy: The spokeseyeball for Clear Eyes brand. Ready for an eye-Q test? Woman: Okay Eye Guy: Know what causes dry eyes? Woman: Lack of moisture? Eye Guy: Yup! It can cause eye health problems. Woman: Uh oh… Eye Guy: Luckily there’s a Clear Eyes Tears formula […] Read more

Wife: Hey honey, let’s check out that new partners website you’ve been talking about Husband: Really?? Are…are you sure? Wife: Yeah! I know how much you want to, so, what the heck…let’s do it! Husband: Alright! Let me just pull up the website… Wife: You already have it book marked? Husband: Umm… Guilty Okay, let’s […] Read more

Male Announcer: Watch how Curve for Men makes finding a Saturday night date easier than ever. Just two sprays and….. Girl: Oh, hey Brian. I was just wondering, what are you doing this Saturday? Male Announcer: Mission Accomplished […] Read more

Man: Seducing teen girls online is easy. They love talking to someone Girl: Someone older I can trust. They understand me better than other teens Man: Teen girls are very trusting. You can wear down the suspicions they Girl: They have an understanding of real love. They know nothing matters when you’re totally in love […] Read more